Seven Secrets of a Happy Marriage
December 2nd, 2008 Filed Under naaktbelgisch.com edit
Do you believe in falling in love? In finding that special someone who is your other half, your soulmate? Do you dream of finding the one person in all the world who will understand you, love you and be there for you, no matter what? If so, youre not alone. In fact, statistics show that about 90% of adults will get married at least once in their lives.
As a society, weve become so conditioned to the fairy tale of Happily Ever After that many people actually feel as if their life is lacking something if theyre not a part of a couple.
But sadly, just like in the movies, most peoples thoughts seem to stop at the part when the music swells and the happy couple says I do and loses themselves in that first magic kiss as husband and wife. They dont think about what happens after the honeymoon.
Considering that about 43% of all marriages in the U.S. ends in divorce, perhaps a class on the realities of building and maintaining a strong healthy marriage should become required before signing on the dotted line of a marriage license.
Having a happy marriage doesnt just happen by accident. It doesnt happen because youre in love or perfect for each other. Marriage is a partnership, and like any partnership, it takes commitment, dedication and hard work to help it to grow strong.
Here are some tips given by couples whose marriages are strong and healthy. Follow them, adapt them to work in your own marriage, and youll be on your way to having what we all want -- a happy marriage!
1. Communicate. Its important that you keep the lines of communication open. Especially when things go wrong. There are so many outside influences that can affect a marriage -- jobs, family, friends, hobbies, education, church. If youre suddenly not being able to spend time together, or youre fighting about money, its especially important to talk about whats going on.
2. Listen. Its a sad fact that we are often more polite to strangers than we are to the people we love the most. If your spouse is trying to talk to you, whether its to find out what you want for dinner, to tell you about their day, or to discuss a problem in your marriage, give them the same courtesy youd give a complete stranger, and LISTEN! Dont try to finish their sentences, dont try to solve their problems, and dont ever say, I told you so! Heres an especially apt poem, written by Ogden Nash:
Its really a good idea to probe a little deeper into the subject of marriage,love. What you learn may give you the confidence you need to venture into new areas.
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever youre wrong, admit it;
Whenever youre right, shut up.
3. Create rituals and family traditions. Every successful couple has their own private rituals - things they do that has a special meaning just to them. So whether its getting your spouse coffee every morning, a special touch that means I love you, or creating couple signals for Lets get out of here, or No, I dont want to buy a timeshare for $95,000! find your own. Remember some of your favorite childhood family traditions, and incorporate them or start new ones in your own couple. Someday, youll look back on each time as a treasured memory.
4. Go on a date. Couples who have been together for thirty, forty and even fifty years or more say that one of the things that has kept their marriage strong is going out on a date with their spouse on a regular basis. If money is tight, try taking a walk together, going to a dollar movie, or even to a drive-in. Spending quality couple-time helps to reinforce the special feelings that made you fall in love with each other in the first place.
5. Agree on money matters early. Amazingly, many couples never discuss money except in the most superficial ways until after theyre married. One of the leading causes of arguments in marriages is because of a difference in how money is handled in the couple. Before you walk down the isle, discuss your feelings about things like credit, paying bills and saving money. Talk about how you will pay expenses, and who will handle the money. Finding out after the fact that you have major differences is only going to lead to long term problems.
6. Love and Respect. No matter what happens outside of your marriage, its vital that you and your spouse always treat each other with love and respect. There are some simple rules that have worked for couples for the last 80 years that still apply today. They include: Never go to bed angry. Kiss each other every time you come home, or before going out. Say I love you every single day. Mind your manners, and say Please and Thank-you. Do something for the one you love every day. Just because. Occasionally write love letters to each other. Laugh at his/her jokes, no matter how bad they are, or how often youve heard them. Dont sweat the little things. Try something new once in a while.
7. Maintain a commitment to your marriage. This can be especially difficult today, but its important that you put your marriage first. If youre committed to making your marriage a success, and you know that your partner shares your commitment, theres nothing that the two of you cant accomplish.
And youll be one of the lucky few that have a truly happy marriage!
Dont limit yourself by refusing to learn the details about marriage,love. The more you know, the easier it will be to focus on whats important.
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